Unconventional family, Tolstoy’s opening line and Disneyland

Thanks to my choice of living I have had a chance to understand and to experience the Tolstoy’s opening line of Ana Karenina: All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

Sometimes we have a family days, my ex-husband, our daughter and I. We spent all week or more together like a regular family. It is fun, like a going to Disneyland or seeing the latest blockbuster in the cinema. It feels like a template of living. Even though the comprehension of  life provides us with the understanding that this is a short-term happiness, we still allow ourselves to (ab)use these moments. It is human belief that things can be improved; that love stories can be saved; that dreams can find their hazardous way to become reality. Yes, all of it is more than possible; all of it happens all the time, but what about the things which have the tendency to  follow our moments of happiness like dark shadows?

Those things are happening simultaneously. Life is a game of light and darkness.

What about the situations in life when we find ourselves as part of collateral damage? What about our lost loves? Nevertheless, what about our broken or forgotten dreams?

Sorrow is equally as precious as love; hurting makes room  for improvement of empathy and solitude can sometimes be the greatest company.

Beautiful people you used to know are not necessary the ones you share your present with, but not being part of your life does not make them less beautiful. Lost loves are like butterflies- tragedy is crucial part of their existence. So, we have a choice, even when it does not seem so. We can accept or refuse; we can settle with ordinary or we can seek someting unique. We can do whatever we feel like doing or whatever we ever wanted.

But, do we completely understand the difference between our dreams and our fears?

You can choose your starting point as empathy or religion, but it is crucial to make a humble observation of your transience and human vulnerability. Is our fate the path we follow, or do we create the path for ourselves? It is a personal inner debate, and it is essential for understanding the distinction between our longings and our aims.

I believe in God, I trust in life and I love people.

When I was younger I thought I knew exactly what I wanted from life, but along the way I realized I had just a sketch designed by my imagination within my mind. Life is the canvas (even this metaphor sounds cheap). We hope we can draw with our desires, but eventually we do it with our actions. We are mapping our lives by choosing our next step, all the while dancing under the moonlight or crying in the dark. I love to compare a life with the sea; I see both as a movement of the greatest force.

As years passed I learned to truly embrace my imperfect life and the people who are or who were part of it; I accepted all brokenness of humans relations. In the meantime I started to live in the present moment instead of daydreaming of future I was longing for. Yes, I do have quality time with my unconventional family, but I also  have time for my highly appreciated  much sought after creative solitude. In the personal choice of independent  living social labeling is useless. The traditional norms are needless- only beliefs and human ethics are really relevant.  The aim is to make a collection of all meaningful moments we have had a chance to  pass through.  At the end of our journey in our memory only the joyful moments and sparks of happiness will remain.

Thanks to my choice of living I have had a chance to understand and to experience the Tolstoy’s opening line of Ana Karenina: All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

I guess, we are a happily unhappy family; we have a family days without going to Disneyland.


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